The first stop was Babyland General Hospital in Cleveland, GA, home of the Cabbage Patch Kids. Yes, the Kids have been sprouting from cabbage plants here since 1978 through a really confusing birds and bees story. So there are these creatures called BunniBees, which are, yes, half bunny and half bee and colored with a pastel rainbow motif, and they sprinkle some sort of magic dust all over the cabbage patch to “pollinate” and determine whether the cabbages will grow boy or girl babies. Then when you hear Nurses and Doctors needed to the Magic Crystal Tree (under which the cabbage patch exists, naturally), you drop your purchases in the gift shop and run to join the throngs of engrossed little girls under the tree. The doctor performs an ultrasound, flaps the cabbage leaves around, and the next thing you know another beautiful yarn-haired baby has sprouted! The doctor asks for name suggestions, and I was in attendance for the birth of Willow Clementine (another child suggested the middle name Teeth but the doctor wisely kept asking for names). The brochure that I had picked up before planning my trip to Babyland suggested, frighteningly, Consider This Your New Home. Fortunately, they allowed me to buy my official Babyland shot glass and leave. It was, overall, more jaw-droppingly bizarre than I could have imagined.
A Kid is born.
Next stop: Howard Finster’s Paradise Gardens in Summerville, GA. Howard Finster was a pastor and visionary self-taught artist who turned his residence into the most amazing folk art tribute to God and Christianity. He used recycled materials and junk to honor the creations of mankind, and built strange elevated hallways, a church/pagoda, and labyrinthine mosaic concrete paths through the property. Howard painted on wood cut-outs, telling the story of the bible as well as his story of being called by the Lord to make art. There is a church room with pews in which an unmarked casket forms the altar, and passages from the bible adorn every wall surface. Unlike so many outsider artists, Howard received significant recognition for his work during his lifetime, including magazine and television interviews that lead to designing album art for bands like the Talking Heads. I was totally blown away by the evidence of years of inspiration and devotion to his gardens, his faith, and his determination to express his message to the world through art.
My final destination of the day was again more amazing than I thought it would be. I went to the famed Rock City on Lookout Mountain, GA. This is the famous mountain made famous by those See Rock City barn paintings. Tiny passages through massive stone formations, a breathtaking view of seven states from Lover’s Leap, waterfalls, gardens and a very creaky swinging bridge that’s oh, about seven hundred miles above the ground. The only thing I distinctly did not like about Rock City was the Fairyland Caverns, through which you have to exit the park. It was really the original draw for me upon reading in my guidebook that I would be seeing gnomes and fairies hanging from the ceiling of caves, but it was super creepy! Scenes from Mother Goose and Brothers Grimm fairy tales/horror stories were tucked away in pockets, painted electric green and orange and then lit by blacklight… And the gnomes were mostly behind jailbars doing things like making moonshine! Not my favorite, especially after all the beautiful nature outside. Still, a worthy destination.
The Count:
12 Hours
3 States (North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee)
3 Tourist Destinations
Best Church Signboard Message: Don’t Give Up. Moses was Once a Basket Case. Or maybe Nobody Whoever Gave His Best Regretted It.
Number of Times I Heard Miley Cyrus’ New Song: 4
Best Country Song Lyric of the Day: God is Great/ Beer is Good/ and People are Crazy.
Number of Times I Heard That Song: Also 4